The messy and miraculous business of living. 50 things.


In the past month or so I…

  1. stood with my son on top of a mountain for the first time

  2. passionately kissed my husband by a bubbling waterfall 

  3. watched my daughter bravely walk into her first day of grade two

  4. leisurely sipped wine on the terrace of the Banff Springs Hotel

  5. admired my naked face in the reflection in a crystal clear lake

  6. wished my 90-year-old grandmother Bon Voyage as she set off with her new beau on a week-long adventure to Newfoundland 

  7. ate fondue in an old swingers’ hideaway with a super sexy man

  8. was celebrated and recognized in the most soul-shaking way ever

  9. logged over 25 miles on hiking trails in the Rockies over a couple of days

  10. played UNO with my red-headed-potty-mouthed superstar niece

  11. fell madly in love with a regal and resilient guy named Louis (the extraordinarily handsome, but also elderly and totally blind dog, who stayed with our family) 

  12. took my vitamins every single day (this is a big deal, guys)

  13. showed up to the mat nearly every single day

  14. hung out with one of my fave movie stars

  15. watched my grandparents slow dance to Unchained Melody in my kitchen   

  16. shot hoops with the neighbourhood kids in our driveway

  17. heroically completed two chapters of my book

  18. watched a woman speak her truth while wearing a secret cape   

  19. heard my mama say, “He can’t take his eyes off her and she can’t take her hands off him,” as she described the scene over the phone as my sister’s beloved emerged from a coma following nearly fatal cardiac arrest (he’s only 43 y’all)

  20. held sacred space for six women who consistently rock my world and feed my spirit

  21. received over 250 flowers and a few thousand words from some of the most exquisitely thoughtful people on the planet 

  22. reignited my love for Prince, Martina McBride, Skid Row, Natalie Merchant, and Metallica 

  23. gave a pretty stellar TV interview

  24. felt divinely inspired to write poetry for the first time in a decade

  25. made the bestest homemade Mac ‘n Cheese ever for a handful and a half of humans I can’t live without

Also in the past month or so I… 

  1. took allergy medication for the very first time

  2. received the scariest phone call EVER

  3. ate a ton of crap fast food 

  4. cancelled and rescheduled meetings that were wildly important to me 

  5. was forced to confront my mortality and that of everyone who is precious and loved by me

  6. missed a super important deadline

  7. voiced thoughtless and rather unkind opinions about cats in the presence of cat ladies

  8. slept for less than four hours 15 out of 30 nights

  9. had a painfully difficult conversation with a dear one

  10. received a tax notice for an outstanding $15K

  11. poorly parented my babies in moments of crisis

  12. witnessed terror, shock, and grief that I’d prefer to never see again

  13. was snarky to people who didn’t deserve it

  14. was vulnerable with a few who hadn’t earned it

  15. mindlessly binged on 50+ hours of Netflix (highly recommend “The Fosters”)

  16. said “farewell for now” to a friendship that was hurting my heart

  17. listened to “If Tomorrow Never Comes” (classic, gut-wrenching Garth Brooks) on repeat about 427 times

  18. suffered from a bout of food poisoning  

  19. neglected to respond timely and lovingly to a number of emails 

  20. killed a plant that I’ve very proudly kept alive longer than I ever thought possible

  21. ugly-cried A LOT

  22. unceremoniously and impulsively flipped off a dangerous driver via my driver’s side window with buckets of gusto, insistence, and animation (it was kinda like a boomerang on IG, without the necessity of boomerang)

  23. absolutely BOMBED a radio interview 

  24. remembered that I entirely forgot to send my nephew a birthday present and still haven’t done a damn thing about it two weeks later

  25. broke a monumentally mammoth promise I made to myself

It’s been quite spectacular and sucky, magnificent and murky, glorious and gross, exceptional and excruciating.   

But I am beyond grateful for EVERY. SINGLE. MINUTE. of it all. 

Because I’m here. 

Living, loving, laughing, walking, talking, hurting, healing, helping, giving, gasping, grasping, raging, reeling, sobbing, smiling, playing, praying, creating, breathing, and being.  

I’m here. 

Forgiving, forgetting, and flying forward with fierce intentions. 

I’m here. 

Petting puppies, kissing babies, making lunches, learning Spanish, basking in the light, and rolling around in the dirt.     

So, while there’s not a lot of tragedy in all of this truth, it’s MY truth – raw, real, and resplendent - right here and right now.  

And truth is potent medicine when it’s pure - whether it comes from a pharmacy of privilege or a dispensary of deep despair and unimaginable injustice.

I’m here. And I’m grateful.